THE SKILLS TO LOVE
People say finding true love is the ultimate task of their lifetimes. But in this 21st century riddled with the confusing dating advices including the downright superficial or just plain bogus, it might just be hard to see the straight path to love. Put on top of that the many demands of dating— plenty of patience, emotional and sexual maturity, and the strength to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
To gain success in the world of dating, you don’t need much luck. All you need to know is that dating is much like any skill you have to learn in order to be proficient at it. Finding intimacy and romance can be easy-peasy with the following techniques. Learn them by heart and reap the rewards of love.
Know what to look for.
You are often told to look at the bigger picture. But you also have to realize that the devil is in the details. You need to be able to capture what the bare essentials and get rid of all the chaos surrounding it. You need to do exactly the same if you are in the playing field of dating. Focus on the positive in people—do not discredit their nice personality just because you are not physically attracted to them. Imperfections and flaws are the natural designs of human beings. You have them too, so go easy on others and don’t be quick to judge them based on their external imperfections. Do not be shallow and limit your basis for attraction on the outside, find whether you like what’s on the inside because that one truly matters.
Just feel, don’t think.
When you are in the midst of a date, of course you can’t help but feel a little bit of discomfort and insecurity. You have plenty of nagging questions such as “Does s he/she like me?”, “Do I look good to him/her?”, “Do I actually like him/her?”, Get rid of that inner, voice and notice more how you actually feel inside in the presence of the other person. Do you feel good? Safe? Secure? Are you having fun or are you enjoying their company? Sometimes our brains are quick to go over our mental checklist of the things we think we want, but you have to heed your heart more closely. Notice the difference.
Do not settle.
In the clamor for love, some people often remain contented begging for scraps. They are ok with people who almost completely love them, who oftentimes accept them for who they are, or who are somewhat available. Then they spend all their efforts trying to make their partners love them for who they really are. Why not channel all that energy into loving someone who can actually fully reciprocate your feelings? Be with someone who really accepts your for who you are and who is always there for you no matter what. That way, you are only left plenty of room to only love each other, not waste time trying to force something that is inevitably bound to fail.
Do not scram once the water gets cold.
Accept the fact that attraction is not available 24/7 but love is. There are days when you won’t simply be as attracted to your partner as you were before but that doesn’t mean that maybe you don’t love the person anymore and that you should take an exit. Let it pass, and soon the realization will come to you whether your affection for your partner remains.
Don’t sleep around immediately.
Suffice to say, if you do, your relationship will be reduced to a one-night stand. An intimate connection that can lead to romance requires an emotional connection. It doesn’t develop overnight, so give it some time. Get to know the other person completely first. If you are only with the other person because of sex, that isn’t exactly love. But if you can be with the person because you are bound beyond sexual interest, then that’s something to look forward to.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
Most dating rules negate this but if you are truly attracted to a person, there’s a good way to show it without appearing too needy or overeager. How else will the other person know of your affections if you don’t let your feelings show? If you want to turn your dating relationship into something serious, then let them know that you like them. Be kind and thoughtful, because chances are, they’d return the same courtesy to you.
Don’t lose sight of your passions.
More often than not, dating becomes this avenue where people think that they have to change who they are in order to attract the other person. But attraction cannot be simply manipulated that way. It happens instantaneously, so being yourself is actually the best way to hook other people to you. Be the genuine you and let your personality, interests, emotions, and passions shine. Once you show that you are comfortable in your own skin, your partner will exude the same too. That way, you really get to know each other.