13 Signs your in a Toxic Relationship

Toxic people can ruin your life and hurt your overall well-being.

If your past relationship was in any way toxic, then it’s best to walk away and never go back.

Toxic people, whether family members, partners or work colleagues, can all affect us in different ways and stop us from realising our real potential. Toxicity in people can leak everywhere and damage your state of mind, zen and ability to move forward with life. Toxic people in relationships can linger around like a bad smell, yet sometimes we find it extremely difficult to pull away and leave them behind. Like an addiction, toxic people can be hard to break away from, and many end up being in a toxic loop repeating the same mistakes keeping them trapped in a negative cycle.

Time defines a toxic relationship like any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict, and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”

A considerable challenge can be walking away from these negative people who might have been in your life for years, and these may include close family members and even your husband or wife. However, suppose you are afraid to take the next step and move on with your life by eliminating toxicity. In that case, the following are clear signs that you’re in a toxic relationship, so you can quickly extricate yourself from this situation.

Also read: How to meet a man or woman in my age group who wants the same things I do?

1) It’s horrible the whole time

The whole time is terrible, and you never look forward to spending quality time with that person. You dread it. You see other couples walking happily on the beach, walking in the park, and you have a sense of pain, questioning why can’t you be like them? You can never move forward if you feel like this, and the best way to tackle this toxic feeling is head-on and address any underlying issues that are causing these toxic feelings towards your partner.

2) Walking on eggshells

Are you constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to upset or ignite an argument? If everything you say is met with hostility or raising the eyebrows that you have done something wrong, then this is a clear sign you have a toxic partner. You can’t continually walk on eggshells in a state of fear and paranoia, hoping it will get better because it won’t. The toxicity has set in and needs to be cut off to start living your life with someone on your page. Living with all this nervous energy is bad for your overall health and mental state.

3) You avoid all communication

In any relationship, communication is the key to its survival. But, if you feel that communication is hopeless and every time you try to resolve an issue or end up in a fight when you start a conversation, this is a strong signal that the relationship is super-toxic. If the thought of communicating with the other party seems futile, exhausting and dead-end, you have to take steps to either end the relationship or seek some mediation.

4) Sex is an issue

WOW, this is a huge sign that you are in a toxic relationship when the sex dies. Of course, you might have been having amazing sex at the beginning of the relationship or marriage. Still, you cannot remember the last time you felt like being intimate with your partner. And, if you are pressed to have sex, it becomes a chore. There’s no love, affection or feelings in the sex, and you end up fantasising about another person during the act.

5) Weekends are spent separately

Remember when you used to go on those long beach walks or those romantic weekends away? Well, those days are long gone. Instead, she prefers to hang out with her girlfriends, and you’re with the boys at the football or pub. Essentially, you live separate lives and only come together in the evening for a quick meal before both of you retreat to your own lives watching Netflix.

6) Work is the priority

You are in for a rocky future if the two of you cannot set aside time away from work. If your careers take priority in the relationship and you are too scared to broach the subject of a quick weekend away, then toxicity in the relationship has set in deep.

7) You focus on mistakes

As humans, we all make mistakes. Whether it’s as simple as forgetting something on the shopping list or missing an appointment, we all make mistakes. Unfortunately, in toxic relationships, you constantly remind each other of their flaws, forgetfulness or errors they have made in the past and use these as artillery in any argument. You are almost happy when your partner makes a mistake, so you can add it to their list of things you don’t like about them.

8) Unresolved issues

Every relationship will have its issues, no matter how long or short they have been together. Unfortunately, in toxic relationships, nothing gets resolved, and arguments simply either end in tears or someone storming out of the room. There are far too many unresolved issues and arguments that are swept under the carpet. It’s a super-toxic environment, and unless these are cleaned up and resolved, the relationship is doomed.

9) The public put down

When you are in a public situation with friends, and your partner is happy to belittle you in front of everyone, it’s time to realise that something is wrong in the relationship. They’ll pick on you, point out private things and even shout at you in front of other people. Bullying and intimidation are part of a fractured relationship that’s become toxic. Being humiliated in front of friends or relatives can destroy your image, creating embarrassing situations that leave you feeling vulnerable and inferior. If this is a recurring theme, get out of that relationship ASAP!

10) Lying

If you find yourself lying and hiding the truth from your partner for whatever reason, chances are the relationship has soured and is toxic. Lying comes in different formats. For example, you might lie about your feelings, love for the other person, or your work. But, if you cannot be honest in a relationship and tell the truth no matter what, then it’s time to address the situation.

11) Jealousy

Jealousy is a massive sign that your partner doesn’t trust you for whatever reason. This is a very slippery slope if you can’t have a moment by yourself without the jealous questions and innuendos.

12) Disrespect

Suppose your partner constantly forgets significant events in your life or is taking no interest in your career, hobbies, or lifestyle choices. In that case, they show a lack of respect for you and your importance on aspects of your life.

13) Losing self-esteem

Partners in many toxic relationships will decide to let themselves go. Fearing they have nowhere to go and feel stuck in a relationship like this forever, they take solace in food and binge on Netflix. Exercise and self-grooming take a back seat, and they might even start ignoring their appearance as revenge.

And finally…

There are so many reasons why perfectly happy couples end up in a toxic relationship. It won’t happen instantly. It;’s a subtle and gradual process that can take you by surprise. Remember, you are not alone, and toxicity in relationships is prevalent. The best thing you can do is try mending the damage, but if it’s too far gone, you have to extricate yourself and try meeting new people that could hopefully lead to something special. A healthy relationship feels loving, supportive, respectful and honest. The first step to stepping away from toxicity is recognising your role and taking responsibility for your own actions. Look at where your own behaviour could have contributed to or allowed the toxicity. It may be your own boundaries are clouded, your own self-confidence or any insecurities you have from the past. Forgiveness is the key, and that starts with your own self-forgiveness, being kind to yourself and owning your emotions, which then leads to forgiving the other person which allows you to move on with a clean slate.

robyn nind - professional matchmaker

Robyn Nind is a dating coach and matchmaker at Blue Label Life. Robyn has helped countless singles find love and a partner.

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