A different kind of ‘DTF’

For those who aren’t familiar with the ‘classy’ crew from the Jersey Shore reality TV series, the term “DTF” is code for “Down To… Frolic” –  except frolic doesn’t really mean frolic. But the way we see it, “DTF” might as well be a one-way ticket to “Disrespected, Treated Badly and Forgotten.”

What do men think of women who are DTF?

Not much.  Men on the pull are either looking for a one night stand or the woman of their dreams.  If you’re female and considered DTF, the latter will unlikely fall head over heels for you.  Who wants to marry a woman who will happily drop her clothes for someone she met an hour ago?

The guys looking for a one night stand are real troopers when it comes to the final hours of the night.  So don’t be fooled by this charmer.  If you’ve given him the impression that you’ll be up for it later, he’s not hanging around because he’s attracted to your personality.  If you go home with this guy, don’t expect much effort from him the next day, but he may knock on your door again next weekend.  It’s cruel, but it’s true.  Boys will be boys. It’s basic biology.  The male species are programmed to breed and breed they will – with the easiest woman!

DTF Denial

Too many women are confused about one night stands.  They often think it can be the start of a committed relationship.  But the majority of men don’t view this encounter in the same way, leaving women confused and ashamed for having bared their flesh to someone who hasn’t contacted them since leaving the bedroom.

“Why hasn’t he called me?”

Sound familiar?  Men just want sex.  Period.  They like to have relationships too but sex is higher on the priority list, particularly on a “lads night out.”  In fact, some of the world’s most successful matchmakers consider a night club or pub to be THE WORST place to look for your perfect match.

Some women often use sex to “prove” how fabulous they are.  If you’re really keen on a guy but he doesn’t show you the same interest – quit and move on.  Taking him home to show off your bedroom moves will not make his heart beat more for you.  If he was not blown away by your fabulous-ness from the moment he set his eyes on you, then ‘he’s just not that into you’.

The same goes for the impatient guy who gets fed up of waiting for you to put out, even though you’ve only been seeing each other a few weeks.  Don’t give in just to keep him interested.  If sex is more important to him than getting to know you personally then once again, ‘he’s just not that into you’.


If you hate being single and feel a relationship is the only key to happiness, you have to question your self-worth.  Believing you are beautiful, worthy of respect and confident in your own ability is much more attractive and sexy than someone who minimises their clothing to attract the opposite sex.  Self love is the true key to happiness, whether there is a man in your life or not.

To help boost your self-esteem, write a list of all the things that make you, YOU.  It could be your great sense of humour, your ambition, your curvy figure, your intelligence, your commitment to your family.  Not only will you feel good about yourself, these are the things that the ‘right’ men will be attracted to.  You have to love yourself first before you can love another person, so show off the great qualities you have, not just the underwear you’re wearing!  And besides, the right guy will truly respect you for holding your own and making him wait.

jersey shaw one night stands failures

OK, OK, there are exceptions to the DTF rule

Some relationships have blossomed from a one night stand and proven all the above wrong.  Two people can find a connection from the first moment they meet and whether they sleep together straight away, but don’t take the risk by believing you are the exception, too.  Exceptions mean they are rare instances.

So love being you and save yourself for someone who truly loves you, too.

Written by Joanna Brown

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