One of the most challenging times in your life can be ending a long-term relationship or marriage.
You’ve been with the same person for years, even decades and all of a sudden, you find yourself on your own.
Being with a partner for so long will mean getting into the dating world will be a tough call. It’s not like riding a bike where you can pick up where you left off years ago. Dating after a long term relationship will mean that your rusty, out of practice, with low confidence levels and perhaps some self-esteem issues.
Most people will give themselves a decent period to heal and get over their past relationship, but there will come a time where you will be looking to meet another partner and get out of the single life. Some people might enjoy their freedom and play the field a bit. But, others will want to meet the right person to share their lives.
Following is a beginner dating guide for those who need a guiding hand to help you get back into the dating world.
Don’t do this alone – get help!
Dating after years of being with a partner can be frightening. Sure there are dating apps you can use, but for those singles in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s these apps might not be a viable solution. The answer is engaging the services of a dating agency that can help you kick start the dating process. There are some reputable dating services throughout Australia that you can get in touch with, and they all have singles on their databases that they can meet. Meeting other singles this way is a lot more sophisticated, and the approach is more palatable for most people who have been out of the dating scene for an extended period.
Most dating services will have screened their singles before you meet, so there is a level of filtering. In this way, you are meeting people with similar interest, hobbies and values. Plus, they all looking for a relationship that takes the hassle and stress of going on multiple dates, which for many recently single people can be an intimidating process.
Get to know the person.
You might be in a hurry to get back into a relationship, but don’t rush these things. Take the time to get to know the person before you even think about mentioning the word; love. Falling in love again is a lengthy process, and at Blue Label Life, we know your keen to resume your life and have a partner but invest the time and energy in getting to know who the person is. Jumping into a full-blown relationship is a big deal. Get to know their friends, family and a lot about their life before you even decide to commit. Date for a couple of months at least and perhaps one or two weekends away together when you can have quality alone time ( without the kids or work ) is a good idea.
First dates should be super-casual
Dating after a relationship is not easy. There are always first date chit chat nerves that you need to overcome. Plus, there’s the banter in your head playing doubts on your confidence levels. Questions like what we talk about, what they don’t like the way I look, is extremely common.
The best place to meet for a first or second date is somewhere casual. Go to a cafe for a coffee or perhaps meet in the park for a walk.
Never meet at these places for a first date as they are seriously terrible:
- a cinema
- too fancy restaurant
- home-cooked meal
- a gym or a yoga class
- a loud nightclub (unless you in your 20’s)
- a concert
- at your parent’s home ( this is a no-brainer )
- go on a date with your kids
- never go on a first date that’s going to last more than a couple of hours. You will need an exit strategy if it goes pear-shaped, and being stuck together fr the day is torture.
You can see other stories at Quora for bad date ideas.
Don’t get too drunk.
There will be the temptation to have an extra couple of glasses of wine or beers to calm to nerves. It’s OK to have one or two drinks to be social but limit alcohol intake as this can lead to unintended consequences. Don’t regret your actions caused by too much alcohol. Remember that the person your meeting is nervous too. But, both of you will calm down as the date progresses if there is chemistry.
Get decent photos for your profile.
All dating agencies will require recent photos to build your profile. It might be a d idea ( at this stage in your life ) to get a professional photographer to take these. Don’t submit photos older than 18 months or photos of you in a swimsuit ( you don’t want to send the wrong impression or show off those love handles ). Keep it honest, professional and keep it recent!
Avoid talking about your ex.
No one wants to hear about your ex-partner, least of all someone your meeting for the first time. It might have ended badly, which can stir negative or hostile emotions that you definitely don’t want on display for the first meet up. Yes, you can mention them in a passing comment as most people want to know how long you have been single for but leave it that.
Don’t be too self-obsessed!
Ask them questions about their job, hobbies, and lifestyle and don’t start talking about yourself too much. Raving on about yourself and investing little time to know about the other person is a definite first date turn off and will only drive the other person away.
This can be tough for many people who will want ot put up a wall or show bravado to cover their nerves or insecurities. The best ruke of thumb here is t try to be yourself. Act natural as you want your date to know you for who you are and not someone else.
Dating is hard, especially for those who have been single for a long time or recently divorced, widowed, or out of a long-term relationship. Having someone special in your life is essential for your health, happiness and mental well being.