Build Confidence And Melt Away Rejection

Confidence is considered very sexy.

Confident people trust their decisions; they set healthy boundaries and prioritise their needs and emotions.

They don’t lose themselves in a relationship or stay in a bad relationship.

When you have healthy confidence, the fear of rejection melts away because you are comfortable in your own skin. You see a relationship ending due to being compatible, not because there is something wrong with you.

Low confidence, on the other hand, amplifies the fear of rejection, making it overwhelming, especially if you’ve experienced a painful rejection in the past.

When you experience emotional pain, the same part of the brain gets activated as physical pain, which is located in the anterior insula and the anterior cingulate cortex.
So basically, if you feel emotional pain or break a leg, your brain can’t really tell the difference. It’s no wonder it’s natural to avoid pain like the plague, emotional or physical, and how it can have a consequence on your self-confidence.

Like Pavlov’s dogs, you have developed an association that you may want to avoid at all costs.


CAUSE AND EFFECT is one of my favourite tools where you feel good instantly. Within minutes you can move from feeling helpless to feeling empowered and having a choice.
Let’s look at the difference between cause and effect.

When you are in effect, you are disempowered. You see yourself as the victim and blame others for how they treated you. You feel powerless and give away your control. You feel helpless and unlucky.

But what if you took control of your life?

You would be a cause. When you are at cause, it is very empowered; you take full responsibility for your life, which enables you to create what you want and build confidence. The world is full of opportunity when you are at cause. This is where you take action.

Changing how you look at situations and decisions is the easiest way to change your future and build confidence.

Becoming responsible for your actions and being at cause of your life.

How to build confidence?
Confidence can be learned; it is a state of mind.

It’s about having positive beliefs about yourself. The fastest way to build your confidence is to be “nice” to yourself.  Sounds simple, but it’s true.

Here are 7 steps to building confidence

1.  Let’s Get Physical!
A healthy body equals a healthy mind. Exercise is a great way to build confidence because not only does it improve the way you look physically, but biochemically your body will release natural feel-good hormones called endorphins.

These endorphins are a neurochemical release from the hypothalamus and pituitary gland and act as natural painkillers. They reduce your perception of pain or negative feelings and trigger a positive feeling in the body, similar to that of morphine.

Over time your positive feelings will boost optimism and, in turn, build confidence, not to mention that sexy body you will be sculpting.

2. Physiology Creates Psychology and builds confidence.
Feel-good hormones like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins are released when we perceive pleasure, creating good feelings or a positive effect.

Your posture can have a huge impact on how you feel and help you build confidence.
Have a look at a confident person’s posture. You’ll notice their shoulders are back; they tend to smile more (smiles are amazing for building confidence, oozing attraction and melting away the fear of rejection).

Confident people also offer and maintain eye contact. Their gaze tends to be higher, and they speak slower. Their body language is open.

3. Look and feel your best.
A new outfit is an instant way of building confidence. Vogue, in their article Confidence Dressing: How Clothing Affects the Mind tells us that Great news. Science is one breakthrough closer to understanding the brain chemistry behind your intense interest in clothes, and as it turns out, your outfit may alter how you approach and interact with the world.

looking good to boost confidence - blue label life

Looking good will boost confidence for both men and women.

Get yourself an outfit that compliments your body. Highlight your assets.  When you look good on the outside, you can’t help but feel good and boost your confidence on the inside.

4. Be positive and remove negative people from your life.
As simple as that, if you are around people who make you feel good and are positive, this will rub off.

Plus, you’ll have a support network, which is priceless, and it is the fastest way to build confidence. By having people around you that adore you, you will feel good about yourself. So reconnect with family and friends that love and appreciate you.

5. Change your thoughts, change your feelings.

Whenever you have a negative thought about yourself, quickly change it to a positive. The more you practice this, the faster you will build confidence and eliminate negative feelings.

Just like you change the channel on the TV, when a negative thought comes up, quickly flick the switch and watch something else. Before you know if the negative thoughts will be a thing of the past. Try meditation. There are loads of quick 10 or 15-minute meditation clips on YouTube.

6. Laugh, smile and have fun.
The more carefree you are, and the more you enjoy the simple things and feel good, the more you will build confidence.

People love happy people, they are considered more attractive, and you can’t help but want to gravitate towards them. Even when you’re feeling a bit down in the dumps, smiling will melt away your worries, and before you know it, you will begin to feel good.

7. Make yourself a priority.
Put your own needs first. Be kind to yourself. Do something just for you; make time for you because you’re worth it.

Try something new, like a photography class, or make time to visit your yoga studio regularly. Making yourself a priority in a concrete, simple way will boost your self-esteem and give you the confidence you need to own your individuality and maintain healthy boundaries.

Change doesn’t happen overnight.  When your mind comes back to anxious thoughts about the relationship, notice those thoughts and let them go.

Focusing on your breath is a great way to quiet the mind chatter and bring your attention back to the present moment.

robyn nind - professional matchmaker

Robyn Nind is a dating coach and matchmaker at Blue Label Life. Robyn has helped countless singles find love and a partner.

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