The Dynamics of Dating Shy Men

Let’s be honest; having a shy guy as a crush is tough work. You know he can’t make a move, and it will be hard for you both to realize your possible love story. So how can you possibly date a shy guy?   shy guy dating an introvert

When you discover yourself brought in to a shy guy to question your feelings for him, the first thing to do. In other words, ask yourself, “Am I attracted in spite of or because of his shyness?”

  • If you like him because of his shyness, ask yourself additionally: why do you consider shyness attractive in a guy? Is that feeling authentic? Do you like his shyness just because you feel like you cannot get a confident guy? Do you not mind being even more socially effective guys than him?
  • If you like him in spite of his shyness, ask yourself further: could you appreciate a shy guy? Would you appreciate him? In 10 years, will you still find it attractive? Since you require to know if his shyness will eventually be an obstacle to a major relationship, this is essential.

If you truly answer these questions and still wish to date him, it’s up to you to help make it happen.

A lot of guys are shy in a natural sense. A good number of friends I have are generally shy, while some guys in my family are timid. For me, it is a familiar frame of mind. Shy men, practically by definition, do not have the gall to initiate and pursue ladies. They fall beyond the predator-prey design for sexual communications that is assumed in the “don’t start contact” guideline. So it is acceptable for you to start with a shy individual. There are a couple of caveats.

Also read: Why You Should Be Dating A Man On The Nerdy Side.

The good thing about guy shyness is that it wears off in specific situations. A shy man could never ever become daring enough to approach women in general, but he can ultimately grow comfortable with a girlfriend or spouse. As the worry of the unknown dissipates with increased familiarity, a shy man’s confidence in his communications with you will rise. His manly impulses will certainly kick in, and in some cases, you can wind up with a guy that acts to you the same way that a positive man would have acted from the outset.

So, if you decide to initiate, do this only during the early stages of dating, that is, until he builds his self-confidence and convenience around you. When this happens, you will have to gradually presume a less assertive, more feminine role.

The second caution is that even a shy guy has pride. Though he knows his own limitations (as suggested by his shyness), he also knows exactly what a man is “supposed to do.” He recognizes, too, when you are doing it for him. Be careful about how much (and which) initiative you take. There is no measurable or basic policy right here, as his limit for humiliation will vary in proportion to his shyness and pride, which are different in every man.

How do you initiate? Well, for beginners, in the early stages, you will certainly need to give him outright signs of your interest. Aside from their innate male tendency to overlook anything that isn’t really spelled out in white and black, shy guys will, by default, doubt any sign of your affection. This is because shy men are more worried about avoiding the social catastrophe of asking you out and failing than they are about getting you. This is what prevents them from taking the initiative in the first place. They will certainly hold back if they have even the slightest doubt about your objectives. So whatever you would generally do to suggest your interest to a positive guy, triple or double it for a shy guy (in proportion to his shyness):

  1. If you would touch him gently on the arm for a few seconds.
  2. If you would hold eye contact with a confident guy for 2 seconds to show him that you are interested, hold a shy guy’s gaze for 3 or 4 seconds, or do it repeatedly times.
  3. Do it three times before anticipating anything from a shy guy if you normally drop a single spoken tip that you’d like to hang out at some time.
  4. If you would typically expect a kiss on the 2nd date from a confident man, wait until at least the sixth or fifth to be kissed by a shy man – and in fact, you need to make this step yourself, most likely.

Here is a useful video about what pushed men away and could be helpful when dating a nerdy guy:

While we don’t recommend that you overtly ask out a shy individual on an “official” date (this would too flagrantly weaken exactly what he knows to be his function as described above).  I do suggest that you suggest and then ask him to hang out under casual pretences. Of course, he will question this over and over in his mind, questioning whether you were asking him to hang out to be good friends or if you wanted something more. Show him that you want something more – ask repeatedly.

In general, you will need to bring the relationship up till the point that it is “main.” When it has been developed (or is otherwise clear) that the two of you are together, then you ought to start reducing your initiative and letting him take the reins. As I said, he will probably start to do this on his own anyhow, so instead of forcing it, be cognizant of the change. Comments like “Oh, I thought you were going to drive/get the tickets/plan the trip / organize the restaurant can help in taking into consideration his self-confidence if it appears to be lagging and it troubles you.

Dating a shy guy takes a great initial emotional investment for an unsure result. You will most likely get irritated at his absence of feedback on your efforts. The greatest trouble is that it will not be clear to you whether his unresponsiveness is a product of his shyness or his lack of interest in you – due to the fact that it could be either one.

Shy guys have taste and standards too. His consistent desire to hang out with you might stem from a real interest, but it also might be a symptom of his unfinished desire for female attention; he might take pleasure in dabbling in the idea of a relationship but, at the same time, not like you enough to desire anything serious with you. Sadly there is no simple way to determine his real objectives without putting yourself on the line over and over once again and seeing how he reacts. This can be embarrassing, aggravating, and even infuriating, and it can ultimately still end in failure. (If nothing else, this will certainly give you a good insight into exactly what it is like to be a man.).

While all of this seems like it might be too tough to take care of – and numerous females will certainly come to that conclusion – it deserves pointing out that if you can browse through the challenging aspects of drawing in and dating a shy man, he is likely to be entirely faithful to you. Due to the lack of female attention he has drawn in or received, he resembles an emotional spring that you will launch. He has it to offer if you are looking for an abundance of dedication.

So, in conclusion, if you want a shy man, start by questioning that feeling. If his shyness is not a deal-breaker for you, you can initiate, but you have to beware about striking a balance between sending out strong adequate signals and not angering his masculine pride. It is a hard tightrope to walk; however, the consolation is that these men rarely receive attention from females and have a great deal of love and dedication to give you.

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Robyn Nind is a dating coach and matchmaker at Blue Label Life. Robyn has helped countless singles find love and a partner.

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