What is your dating style?

ac6d02170bc7b98d4a970910e860c2d3.2Whether it’s Rachel from Friends, Carrie from Sex & The City or Bridget Jones from, well… Bridget Jones, we can all liken our dating lives to a character from a famous movie or television show.


The Party Girl

“This girl is wild. She knows how to party and isn’t about to stop for any man!”

0cd499093222211a136d00fbee46bdb4Characteristics of a Party Girl:

  • She sleeps around and has many friends with benefits.
  • She drinks to excess and possibly takes recreational drugs.
  • She is “one of the boys”
  • She is loud and wears inappropriate clothing that shows off too much cleavage.
  • She wears too much makeup.
  • She has a potty mouth.
  • She has no boundaries, no values and poor work and living choices.
  • She is a self-proclaimed rebel.

The challenge:

Party girls only attract “pub/club men” that only want her for one thing. Although she says she’s ok with one night stands, the endless stream of partners will eventually break her self esteem.

Her values are the one thing standing in the way of her happiness. Until she learns to love herself and believes that she is better than the kind of person she displays to the world, she will never find a sense of fulfilment in a committed relationship.

The Virgin

“Bonnie Tyler was holding out for a hero. And The Virgin is doing the same.”

61f50a97496c6f89756be8357734c205Characteristics of a Virgin:

  • She is religious/spiritual and has strong ethics and values.
  • She has the traits of a perfectionist.
  • She dreams of a white wedding and a knight in shining armour.
  • She has gone many years without intimacy.
  • She has trouble choosing the right man who is worthy.
  • Her sex drive is relatively low.
  • She embodies a conservative lifestyle (i.e. no smoking, little/no drinking, healthy living)
  • She is worried about being left on the shelf.
  • She may have done everything sexually with a man but “the act” itself.

The challenge:

In modern times, it’s difficult to maintain a relationship without it turning sexual. Most men run away before they get to the isle.

What may be The Virgin’s most valued personality trait is also her greatest weakness. Strong values and a desire to date only the most worthy of men has stood in the way of many potential relationships in the past.

The Virgin must realise that fairytales are called fairytales for a reason. It’s because storybook romances only exist between the pages. Accepting and being more open to men outside her comfort zone is The Virgin’s one-stop-shop to that illustrious white wedding.

The Commitment Phobe

d3347d7bf430f799b2c022e4e67a6955“Roses are red, violets are blue, The Commitment-Phobe can’t decide what kind of colour are you.”

Characteristics of a Commitment-Phobe:

  • A true commitment-phobe isn’t always an obvious pick.  She is fun, adventurous, sexy and extremely playful.
  • She is the ultimate seductress. She can seduce men easily, yet once she has them, she doesn’t know what to do.
  • She often stays with boyfriends for months, even a few years, but as soon as talk of weddings or children start to come up, she plans an exit strategy.
  • Ultimately, she is scared of making the wrong decision because you “only have one chance to get it right”.
  • She has left many great guys by the wayside with the behaviour.
  • She has dated a variety of men. From bad boys, to daddy figures, nerds, models, business men. She just can’t decide who would be best for her.
  • She is constantly upgrading and searching for The One.

The challenge:

I liken a Commitment-Phobe’s stance on relationships to a gambler. Everyone wants to win strike it big, but what are you going to do? Give up your day job and hit the casino in the hop of landing that one-in-a-million line on a slot machine?

Of course not.

A Commitment-Phobe is the kind of person who, when presented with three options, will always choose what’s behind the mystery door #3. She is the kind of person who gets a sense of fulfilment not of what is, but what might me.

In order for her to find happiness, she must realise that you can have it all, but not at once. Live in the moment and appreciate the beauty in imperfection.

Suzy Homemaker

1b528a9f4703f8c3dd7afef36062c23e“Suzy is desperate for marriage and will go to any length to ensure her life goes according to plan. She is the anti-commitment-phobe.”

Suzy Homemaker’s characteristics:

  • She tries too hard to please her man.
  • She suffocates him with love and attention.
  • She moulds herself to what her man wants.
  • She adopts a traditional relationship mentality. One with a dream of stay-at-home mum, three kids and a bread-winning father. It’s a formula which has worked for generations gone by.
  • She is clingy, and jumps straight from one relationship to the next.
  • Her biggest fear is being left “on the shelf”. She has a plan in place to ensure this doesn’t happen.
  • She doesn’t have many male friends, if any at all.

The challenge:

For a guy, dating Suzy Homemaker is like skipping to the end of a movie before it really begins. Putting up a white picket fence and playing house on the first date isn’t the most exciting start to a story.

Suzy needs to realise that the world has changed. Today, women can be anything they want to be. They are no longer bound by laws, customs and regulations which have separated men and women in the past.

Today’s men want a smart, independent woman who can stand on their own two feet. The kind that is in a relationship for love, not because being alone is a far worse alternative than being in an unhappy relationship. Is Suzy believes she can be more, then she will. Until then, the dream of a white picket fence will remain further and further from reality.

The Alpha Female

f30a4ab6d14d74a88491491c9092ccce“The Alpha Female is highly successful in her career, yet in disastrous in her love life.”

Alpha Female characteristics:

  • Given her success, she can’t understand why she has failed in such a simple task. After all, she looks good on paper.
  • She is negative towards men.
  • She has chosen career over kids, yet changed her mind at the eleventh hour.
  • She blames others rather for her own misfortunes in the dating game.
  • She wants a man and she wants him now! She is very demanding and wants it on her own terms.
  • She doesn’t understand that love is about giving, patience and the “it takes two to tango” mentality.
  • She has no patience for love.
  • She thinks men are intimated her, but the reality is a man doesn’t want to date a man in a woman’s body.
  • The Alpha Female has a strong social network, but not a lot of true friends.

The challenge:

Truth is, no man is strong enough for an Alpha Female. Sure, few can put up with the “it’s-all-about-me” lifestyle for a while, but sooner or later, all men figure it out.

For the Alpha Female, it’s all about give and take. As they say, it’s lonely at the top. In order for an Alpha Female to give herself the best chance of finding happiness she must take a step back from her career and get in touch with the kind of person she used to be – someone adventurous, daring and not afraid to be great.

 The Gold Digger

956239ddece4dfc56d1d16b42a28779a“It costs money to look this good. If he wants to date me, why shouldn’t he pay!”

Gold Digger characteristics:

  • A gold digger dates men for their stature, money and lifestyle.
  • She has most been hurt previously by a boyfriend and/or has a bad relationship with her father.
  • She might not realise this, but she is dating for revenge on men.
  • She has given up on love.
  • The more money the man is worth, the more she will put up with.
  • She is ok for an open relationship if it will mean that she still has access to her man’s beach house, toys and wealth.

The challenge:

Like a car, the Gold Digger will be traded in for a new, younger model in time. Their partners (if you call it that) are not the kind of men that anyone should be dating.

The Gold Digger needs to realise that her pride and chance at happiness is worth more than any car, holiday or house money can buy.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can give an illusion of renting it for a while

robyn nind - professional matchmaker

Robyn Nind is a dating coach and matchmaker at Blue Label Life. Robyn has helped countless singles find love and a partner.

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