How you might be sabotaging your dating life and how to remedy it.
How people self-sabotage their dates.
You’re single and most definitely ready to mingle. You feel like you’ve been around the dating mill long enough to know the ropes of meeting people in the hopes of forming long-lasting relationships with them. Yet there are still some things that you, and many more out there, do on your dates that pretty much ruins your chances of scoring a potential mate.
You’re still holding on to your past. You project every bad memory you have of your previous relationships to the person you are currently seeing. Your negative experiences are clouding your better judgments and ruining your opportunity of finding a potential partner. You are suddenly afraid to open up and incessantly focus on flaws similar to those who have hurt you in the past. You are not allowing yourself to get to know your date for who they truly are.
You’re trying so hard to impress your date. You firmly believe that first impressions last. So naturally, you try to leave your partner with the best memory of who you are. In the process, you try so hard to always put your best foot forward until it becomes too obvious and off-putting. You fail to realize that we all have flaws, and that it’s ok to have them. You fail to express who you really are in fear that your date will not like you.
You’re moving way too fast. While it may take others weeks or months to process their feelings, others (like you) get attracted easily. You begin to rush to submit to your emotional and physical whims. If the other person seems to think that you are an easy lay and they are not on the same page as you are, your date will turn sour before the end of the hour.
The situation is too awkward to handle. Dating can be such a daunting experience so you unconsciously channel your negative energies into equally negative actions. You arrive late, begin to get preoccupied with your phone, talk too much or too little, lose eye contact plenty of times, lose track of the conversation, or drink too much.
You have a list of unreasonable expectations. At the back of your mind is a list of all the qualities your date should possess in order to capture your attention (and your heart). So when the other person fails to meet them, you get disappointed, frustrated, and dissatisfied with your date. You then lose interest altogether and wish the date is over. And it shows in your attitude.
Why people self-sabotage their dates?
You probably have been to several dates dressed in anticipation of rejection. Self sabotage has a major function or shall I say dysfunction. The fundamental reason people self sabotage is to keep themselves safe, safe from opening up, getting hurt unfortunately this pattern causes the exact opposite.
Self-sabotage, everybody does it. We all self-sabotage. And the repercussions of your behavior extend throughout all aspects of your lives, your dating life included. Sometimes it can be subconscious and you easily slip into subversiveness. Other times, you are aware of your actions (or lack thereof) yet you still keep moving forward towards self-destruction while you just watch it happen in your minds.
Whether consciously or subconsciously done, self-sabotaging your dating life can be disastrous. It is a known fact that most of us long for love and intimacy in our lives, yet we still hold onto the proverbial brake that handicaps our happiness.
It is quite difficult to knock down mental blocks or what we often refer to as “walls” in matters of the heart, especially if you have a string of failed dates or relationships before. You feel that your walls are there to comfort and protect you, but all they do is keep you away from the next person with whom you can have a loving relationship in the future.
Keeping these walls resonates your lack of trust, in yourself and others. Your general distrust leads to plenty of insecurities that hinder any success in your dating life. You begin to have this unconscious need to be in control so you engineer your dates to fail because you think it is bound to fail anyway. Your low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness drives you to think you don’t deserve happiness. You operate from fear, so all your choices and actions are made because you feel you have to do them, hindering your from experiencing the life and relationship you desire.
At the end of the day, self sabotage through keeping your walls high or through any of the actions above is not going to protect you, it will do the exact opposite. So be aware of the actions and beliefs to look out for, acknowledge them and move up and onwards. In our next blog I will reveal how to STOP self sabotage and give yourself the freedom and happiness you deserve!