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Is Mr Big a waste of time?

Carrie, Mr BigSarah Jessica Parker had one. Have you?

Mr Big is painted as a knight in shining armour. A successful, emotionally unavailable man that fills SJP’s life with hope and adventure, only to leave her shattered on all kinds of levels.

He’s an unhealthy addiction.  The minute she showed interest, he would run for the hills. And when she pulled away, he would chase her down.

Sound familiar?

The Carrie and Mr Big fiasco is a relationship (or “relationsink”) for the ages.  It kept Sex And The City fans glued to their seat, waiting in anticipation. Surely one day this man will come and rescue her!

He never did.

[Spoiler Alert] Yes, he did ultimately marry her, but at what cost? After 10 years riding the emotional roller coaster and countless broken promises, a mountain of heartache and hours or counselling from her friends, it all became too much for SJP. And like all tragic relationsink’s, their journey together went down the drain.

With every premature divorce there are consequences. Did she miss out on having a family? Did she miss out on a comfortable lifestyle? Was it worth it? It makes you wonder, what would have happened if she cut-to-the-chase and settled with a non-player; a nice family man like Aidan (fans will testify to this).

I know they’re only a small screen couple, but let’s be honest; Mr Big is real. We’ve all met him, some of us are with him, and some of us may even be him. It kind of makes you wonder, what kind of message did the creators of Sex And The City send to misty eyed romantics looking for their Mr Right?

Carrie and Aidan

I ask this question because I’ve seen “big” pattern emerging among women – incredible women who have painted a glorified picture of a successful man in their minds only to have him proverbially rip the sheets from underneath their bed of dreams.

Was it something they did? Something they said? Something they should have said? These are the questions we as people ask ourselves over and over again, and before we know it, a decade has rolled by and we are none the wiser.

Truth is, the perfect man simply does not exist. If he did, we’d all by vying for his attention. Yet, we continue to believe that our knight in shining armour is just around the corner.

Take it away, Carrie’s of this world:

Carrie:  “I know that it is all about timing. He isn’t ready yet, but I know I will end up with him”.

“I love how unpredictable he is. He’s spontaneous – a real challenge!”

And how about you, Mr Big’s?

Mr Big:  “She’s always there waiting for me. I know I don’t have to commit to her. She will always be there.”

“Why buy milk when you can have the cow for free!”

“We have an unspoken understanding of what this is.”

In my opinion, Mr Big is, and continues to be an invitation for powerful men to be non-committal. And as long as we continue to see this behaviour as exciting, many of our relationships are destined to sink before it gets a chance to set sail.

What do you think? Penny for your thoughts…

Have a relationships-based question? Want a man’s perspective?

Email john@bluelabel.sigmaweb.com.au


2 thoughts on “Is Mr Big a waste of time?

  1. July 3, 2013 at 6:06 am, Gina said:

    Excellent words! I, too, was in love with Mr. Big and still am but he is friend material. He was never in love with Carrie in the passionate sort of way that most women long for.

    He settled for Carrie as he began to age and was over being a puppy chasing kitties around NY.

    There was nothing romantic or any kind of depthness in their relationship or their nuptials.

    A Dream Girl deserves a Dream Guy that needs her in her life and not as some stand by afterthought.

    I tell my ladies with disablities that are seeking love or hanging on to Mr. Doubtful, if you do not feel that he can’t get enough of you and you are always left wondering about how he truly feels about you then you need to run or roll out of their immediately.

    Cherish your value!

  2. July 3, 2013 at 6:06 am, rosie said:

    what you are describing is the 3/10 men who suffer from a low empathy disorder such as malignant narcissism/sociopathy/psychopathy which is rife in Australia. When you initiate sex or intimacy they will reject you, they only want to pleasure you (when they want) and be praised for it. They also mirror your interests and persona, which is why women think they are ‘the one’ -victims have never felt that kind of connection or intimacy before. For very successful women who are wealthy, attractive and dominant, these are the only men who are able to match their confidence and extroversion. They are not intimidated by successful women or very attractive women (they actually see them as an exciting challenge or target) being wealthy is a bonus to them not a liability and they are able to maintain their confidence and charming persona throughout the relationship. They are also more exciting and unpredictable than healthy men and are unlikely to say something rude or insensitive during the wooing stage, they usually say all the right things and flatter, flatter, flatter… They also try to pleasure you sexually for hours and hours on end and try to help you around the house, buy you gifts, call you 24/7 etc, unfortunately many women think this means he is ‘mr right’ rather than a pathological person with nothing better to do! Their expectations of healthy men become distorted and they end up dating no one, rather than confronting the truth of what they were really dating in the first place!

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