Australia’s leading matchmaking duo, John Testa and Samantha Jayne of Blue Label Life offer a male and female perspective of the dos and don’ts of dating.
What are the benefits of having great self-confidence when you are looking to attract the opposite sex?
John: Put simply, confidence breeds success. Whether you’re trying to woo the girl of your dreams or interviewing for a job, the outcome begins and ends with how you carry yourself.
If you don’t believe in you, how do you expect anyone else to?
Samantha: You’re also putting yourself in the contest by speaking up and being noticed. It’s all well and good to give a man “the eye” from across the room, but don’t leave fate to chance. Signal him to cover over and chat. Society has always led us to believe that men should make the first move, but guys love a confident woman.
There’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness – why do you think cockiness is such a turn-off?
John: It shows that you’re in serious need of a reality check. You only have to look at the cast of Jersey Shore to understand how damaging cockiness is to one’s reputation. Fake tans and six packs come and go, but that group will always be remembered as d#@che bags!
Samantha: Cockiness is a reflection of a lack of self-confidence. An unconfident person has to constantly reassure just how “awesome” they are by telling everyone who will listen. If they don’t, people might start to recognise who they really are, not the character they’re playing.
How do we tell the difference between confident and cocky in ourselves?
John: Body Language. If you have your hands on your hips, looking at the sky as if you’re awaiting a fist bump from the man upstairs every time to saying something, that’s cocky with a capital C.
The difference comes down to what I like to call the “Show & Tell” rule. Cocky people will tell anyone in ear’s length how great they are and how much they’ve achieved, but a confident person will show this through their actions, humility, tone and body language.
Samantha: Here’s an experiment I often tell my clients to use. Next time you’re out at a bar or party and you find yourself speaking with someone from the opposite sex, ask yourself; are we having this conversation because I actually want to know more about this person, or am I simply trying to look cool in front of my friends?
If it’s the latter, then my friend, you’re cocky.
What are some quick self-confidence boosters that we can use when we’re feeling a bit down on ourselves?
John: I go straight back to old photos and birthday cards and take a trip down memory lane.
Samantha: There’s nothing like a nice long walk/run to leave your mind, body and soul feeling refreshed and energised.