You may have everything in the world—a great career, nice home, your ideal car, lavish lifestyle; yet you may not have anything at all and you feel that something is missing, something BIG.
Because sometimes the things that matter aren’t material things at all. And sometimes it isn’t always love that has to come first before you can be happy; it is oftentimes the other way around.
Most people go around the dating mill and end up frustrated each time because no matter how hard they search, they couldn’t find what they are looking for. Because they don’t know what they are looking for in the first place! The key to finding what you are looking for is to know what you really want to find. That way, your vision focuses on that exactly and your search narrows down to what’s significant to you. You no longer have to go round and round trying to figure out what you’re doing wrong that makes love so elusive for you.
So take some time to really get to know yourself before you embark on the journey to finding love. Here are five ways to help you.
Also Read: What Really Makes A Relationship Work?
Get in touch with your core values.
Your core values are what makes you, YOU. They are an integral part of your being and thus, are not likely to change. In your long list of sought-after qualities in a potential partner, your core values will always be on top. They are representative of who you are and what you need. And while opposites attract, shared values are still what counts the most when it comes to the really big issues in your life.
Understand your emotional needs.
While your core values define the bigger picture of who you are, your emotional needs define the finer points of your relationships. You need to find someone who can fulfil them, but you have to acknowledge them first. This is paramount to finding a partner who can make you feel satisfied and happy. But be careful not to look for a partner to fulfil needs that only you can do— this leads to frustration and disappointment.
Find out your love pattern.
Now that you have identified your core values and emotional needs. How can these lead you to find the right partner? LifeHack in their article 8 Benefits Of Identifying Your Values Look tells us that as children, our parents and teachers pass values on to us and we live our lives based on what they’ve taught us is important, be that kindness, friendship, listening, etc. But as adults, we must determine what is of most value to us on our own.
Think about those people who make you feel safe and secure and allow you to be yourself. Eventually, the same traits these people possess will be the ones that will make for the best romantic partner for you. Look at the healthy relationships, we already have, even the non-romantic ones with family and friends. These relationships define what we are looking for in a future partner.
Experience a potential long-term relationship.
After all your discovery, here comes the point where you have to test-drive and apply what you have learned. You can now begin to seek potential partners. In the first few months, avoid being attached to a single person. Allowing yourself to get to know three or more potential partners gives you the emotional distance and time to get to know them well before you decide on anything.
Go in for the three-month check-up.
If your relationship seems to head towards the direction that you intend it to, you may now begin to see that person exclusively. Within the three-month period, you must come face to face with some hard truths. Do they share your core values and can they fulfil your emotional needs? Have they remained genuine as the person when you first met them? Read the following article 11 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Make It Past The 3-Month Mark to see if you can identify with any of these. It doesn’t matter if you are senior dating or perhaps finding love in your 40’s the 3-month mark is a great indicator of things to come.
If the answers are no, it means that your partner may not be the one who suits you for the long term. As early as this, you have to really decide whether it is worth it to pursue someone and live with the repercussions of just “settling”. You can change a person’s clothes, but never cling on to the hope that your relationship can change their core values, or yours.