The post first date phone call

Woman leaning on bed, looking at mobile phone, close-upHow long should it take for a man to call after the first date?

Ok, so you’ve had your first date. It went well, conversation flowed and there was definite chemistry. Well, at least you thought so…

The date comes to an end and you come home full of hope, inspiration and a sense of relief. Fate has dealt you a good hand.

And then the questions begin.

Do I send him a thank you text? It’s the polite thing to do, but will that make you look too eager? Is being too eager a turn off?

What to do? What to say? What not to say? When did dating become this difficult!

You check your phone every ten minutes.

Better decide something soon. The window of opportunity to send a thank you text message is only open for an hour, two at most.

You wait and you wait, head on pillow, face to the side staring in hope for that sweet sweet text messaging sound. For a moment, you feel that you can summon the phone to ring, like a comic book superhero.

And then you wake up.

Still nothing. Maybe he wasn’t that interested after all.

Your girlfriends don’t make the threat of rejection any easier. They ask you the old “has he called yet?” question, to which you reply with a reassuring “No, but it’s only early days. He’s probably just playing hard-to-get.”

Sure he is.

Sound familiar? Guys take note; this is the thought process every woman is faced with after a great first date. And if we sound crazy now, wait until you see us after the third day of no response.

This article is all about the ins, outs and politics of the post-first date phone call.

If a man hasn’t called after the date, it could be for a number of reasons.

For one, he could be waiting for you to make first contact. Surprisingly, a lot of men genuinely want to wait for a woman to say thank you. If a man doesn’t receive a thank you text after a date, he often takes it as a signal that she is either not interested, ungrateful for his effort, or is a major “game player”.

Everyone knows about the waiting game. It’s the oldest rule in the book. If you play the waiting game, you’re both at risk of losing.
In short, the time frame of how long it takes for a man to call you after your first date is dependent on the dynamic of the date.

What does it mean when a man contacts you immediately after your date?

After amazing first dates – the ones where you both just “click” – it’s appropriate to make contact immediately after the date. It keeps up the momentum and allows both parties to proverbially strike while the iron is hot!

No lavish gesture is required. A simple “I have a great/amazing time and would love to catch up again soon” is more than sufficient. It’s great dating etiquette and he will really appreciate it.

a man contacts you immediately after your first date it is a strong sign he is very interested and he wants to see more of you. There was chemistry on his part and he has thrown the dating game book out of the window because he doesn’t want to risk someone else snapping you up.  This man is confident. He knows what he wants and it’s you!

What does it mean when a man calls you three days after your date?

This could mean a number of things. He may have a heavy work load and social commitments – let’s face it, men are not the best multi-taskers.

It could also mean he is moderately interested. He feels you are worth meeting again, just to confirm his gut feeling, whatever that may be.

Thirdly, it could mean this man he is simply playing by the book. He   has done his research and he knows women don’t like overly eager men. He wants to keep you waiting and knows this will have you wanting him more.

What does it mean if a man calls you five days or more after your first date?

If this happens, the odds are not hugely in your favour.  I would make three assumptions:

Assumption one: He really wasn’t that into you and is probably seeing other people in between. Once he finally contacts you, he has been on a few dates are realises that you are worth seeing again.  This happens frequently with people using online dating services and is thankfully avoided with matchmaking or other organic methods of meeting people.

Assumption two: He is genuinely bus, and has been lost in his schedule. He may have been travelling and is interested, but just extremely time poor.

Assumption three: He hasn’t heard from you and thinks you’re not into him. This happens more often than you think. Women often give away mixed signals, sometimes without even realising. So instead of facing rejection, the man will simply chose to make no contact and end the almost relationship with his dignity intact.

How to know if he is into you after your first date

With the fast paced society we live in, people want answers fast.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work this way with dating. Dating takes patience because you have no control over the other person.  There is a simple and effective way to get answers sooner than later, however, it takes a bit of work from you. And before you ask, no, it doesn’t involve summoning the answer like a comic book superhero.

You have to be proactive and make things happen. If you’re reading this I have no doubt you have a lot of success in all other aspects of your life, so why not dating?

Women don’t want to call because they assume will go against everything the learnt about men growing up (i.e. treat them mean, keep them keen).

This is such a big mistake.

Read the signals on your date. If you feel and see you are both into each other, send him a quick thank you text message. Even if you weren’t completely captured, but would be open to giving it another shot, send a message. At least the ball will be in your court if he comes back with a happy response.

If you have left it a few days to contact him yourself, send him a flirty text to acknowledge he made an impact.  If he responds, great! If not, move on.

Sure beats waiting for the phone to ring!

robyn nind - professional matchmaker

Robyn Nind is a dating coach and matchmaker at Blue Label Life. Robyn has helped countless singles find love and a partner.

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