There’s an old saying; “those who bark the loudest get served first”. That statement might ring true in some areas of life, but when it comes to first dates (and everything else that follows, for that matter), a growl may just leave you walking home with your tail between your legs.
Yes, it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. A world where we are rewarded for persistence and sniffing out the competition, but many of us forget to switch off the proverbial “work button” and in the face of new company. Below are six factors that intimidate almost every breed of man:
1. Job title
The world has changed, there’s no doubt about it. And it’s for the better. Women now make up 45.3% of the Australian workforce, according to recent ABS statistics. What’s more is that 2% of Chairs in the ASX200 are women, 8.3% are board of directors and 10.7% are executive managers.
Pretty incredible stuff. Yet, if you’re fortunate enough to fall into this category, or hold a prestigious position of your own, this kind of corporate power does not always bode well when it comes to attracting men. The world may have changed, but one thing remains the same; men feel intimidated by a woman with a much more senior and high-paying career.
Tip: Play down your role. Keep it humble and never mention how many zeros are in your bank account.
2. Fashion sense
The corporate look works for some, but “suiting up” will pigeon hole one’s perception of you.
Tip: There’s always time to change after work. It might sound silly, but a change of clothes will also help you relax and switch off that elusive work button.
Pretty self-explanatory, but complaining to the maître d that the service wasn’t adequate or firing up a little too much over a hot topic won’t do you any favours in the long run. It’s very easy to mistake passion for aggression, and seeing that aggression has historically been a trait more synonymous with men, the last thing a man wants to do is date a man in a woman’s body.
Tip: Let the complaining slide. See the funny side to things and don’t sweat the small stuff.
You may drive a BMW and fly first class, but there’s no need to hang it over your date. Remember, men have traditionally been the major bread winner in generations past. Even if he is successful, he will never feel adequate when you set expectations too high.
Tip: Keep it humble. He will see the greatness inside you eventually, but the first date is not a sales pitch. Let the layers unfold over time.
5. The dreaded “kids” questions
A client of mine recently informed me that before he joined BLL, he once went out went out with a woman who asked him if he had foreskin within the first five minutes of meeting him. It turned out she wanted to meet a Jewish man and didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.
Talk about biting off more than you can chew.
There’s something to be said for the old school way of meeting people. The time when there was no internet, nobody in another city or another state vying for your digits and affection. There was a time when you simply met someone who lived nearby, you got to know each other exclusively, didn’t rush, and if the stars aligned, you fell in love, started a family and captured all the happy memories that went along with such a fairy tale.
Tip: There is no need to rush into a topic that should be discussed months down the track. It’s not only that, regardless of whether or not your man wants children, the thought of it being brought up on the first or second date is extremely intimidating.
You may be the best life coach in the world, but guys simply do not like being told what to do – especially on the first date. Passing down advice or conducting a one-on-one seminar can make you out to be one of two characters; his boss or his mother. Either way, the result is not in your favour.
Tip: Here’s a free lesson; stop giving lessons. Share your opinion by all means, but above all, actively listen. Hearing may just be the most important sense of all on a first date.