Women, STOP Beating Yourself Up

Some women move on easily from past relationships while others are begging for do-overs with all their failed relationships. They somehow think that if they tried enough, things would’ve worked out differently. If only they tried looking a certain way, acted in an approving manner, said the right words at the right time, or changed up their personality a bit that they’d have a better shot of making their past relationships work out. But at the end of it all, no matter what they did, they still end up with all sorts of wringing when it came to men.

The reason why women resort to self-pity and self-blame is that it is somehow easier to turn all their anger and frustration back on themselves because it leaves them with lesser expectations and therefore lesser disappointments. The resentment runs so deep that they start to feel so unlovable, betrayed, and hurt.

That’s the fatal mistake women make— turning failed attempts at relationships on themselves. But they can still break away from the cycle of beating themselves up. Here are some insights into moving on and being free.

It’s not entirely about you. You are not unlovable. And though you can’t undo the past, you can certainly undo your choice to feel bad about yourself. The path to success in relationships is many-fold and there are far better ways to get the results your always wanted. A man will either like you or not. And that is mostly entirely up to them, not up to you. So don’t get so beat up if he didn’t turn out to be the one for you. There is a man who is the right fit for exactly who you are.

Change your mind frame. Most of the time, it’s just a matter of perspective. Making mistakes is inevitable but realizing that you’ve made one is priceless. That way, you can do something to correct them. So instead of punishing and blaming yourself, be happy that you learned of your mistake and that you have that awareness to never commit the same again. Think differently and appreciate your mistakes as a way to do things differently to finally arrive at the relationship you hope for.

Get excited. There’s no use in re-opening a closed chapter of your life. Look forward instead on all the new and exciting opportunities you are faced with. Being angry at yourself will slow you down and stall you from all the new experiences awaiting you. You have to go out there and get what you want, instead of staying stuck in something you don’t want.

Think about love differently. The reason why you can’t seem to move on is because your idea of what love is what was in your past relationship. So you can’t somehow stop yourself from holding on to something that “almost was” love. But the reason it didn’t work out because it wasn’t love that was nurturing the relationship in the first place. You tend to measure love with gestures and time spent together, but in reality, love is the milestones that happen between you and a man in a relationship.

Embrace your vulnerability. You’ve made a mistake because you yearn for a loving relationship—which is but natural for all human beings to long for. So forgive yourself and don’t look at loving the wrong person as a weakness, but rather take the experience as something wonderful that happened in your past but unfortunately didn’t work out. It wasn’t entirely bad, it just didn’t culminate the way you wanted it too.

robyn nind - professional matchmaker

Robyn Nind is a dating coach and matchmaker at Blue Label Life. Robyn has helped countless singles find love and a partner.

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