Without the right knowledge and tools, dating can be a nerve wrecking and awkward experience.
I believe relationships are what life is all about. My deepest passion is helping free single people from whatever is keeping them from love – especially a deep nurturing bond between that special someone.
Through experience I have learnt a very valuable lesson. Good fortune rarely comes in the form you expect it to.
In other words, don’t limit yourself to people who you think are your type, screen too much in beginning and you will diminish your opportunities.
Why dating success is very different to career success
Today, there is so much focus on career yet there is no education available on one of the most important aspects of life – how to make a relationship flourish! Success in your personal relationship requires very different skills to success in your career. To succeed in your career required you to be, competitive, businesslike, wary of others and focused on the bottom line.
To succeed in a relationship requires you to be cooperative, flexible, emotionally available, honest, committed through sickness and in health.
It’s no wonder there are a few hiccups when it comes to dating! No one teaches us how we behave to succeed in relationships. So to start with, let’s look at…
What should I say on a first date?
I am so glad you asked! The reality is, what you say on your first date can make or break your dating cycle. It’s really important to be light-hearted on a first date, focus on the positive, look forward and never EVER look back!
Looking back and trading war stories about past relationships, past dates, lovers, divorce, children and too much focus on business is really ugly stuff and you can hardly expect any organic chemistry to develop let alone your date to eventuate to a second.
Don’t bring up old partners or wounds
Both men and women are guilty of this. Often women will screen men asking them how many women they have dated, when and why they ended their last relationship or divorce. Remember girls. this is not a counselling session. Men often will tell it as it is which means can both walk away feeling frustrated and dissatisfied.
Men, it’s time to take control and bring back the conversation. Playfully say, “Ok I’m here to get to know you, tell me more about you.” Lt’s stay positive. “I want to hear about your last amazing holiday…were did you go? Where would you like to go next?”
Just remember we have a past and that’s what makes you unique and special! So stay positive and in control of the conversation!
Be positive – not negative
Taking about anything negative is best to be avoided whether it is the bad food at the restaurant, if it is too noisy, or the traffic. You will only seem like hard work and wingy and definitely NEVER and I say NEVER talk about a bad dating experience or blame another person.
This will only work against you and seem as though you are a not sought after but a product of what someone else discarded!! This will leave your date running for the hills. Humans love to a challenge, particularly men and dating someone that is sought after is more attractive than dating a person that someone else didn’t want……think about it, makes sense.
Don’t talk too much
Another big blunder is talking too much!! Both men and women are guilty of this. Showing your date that you can talk under water in not a very good sign. It sounds like you are sales person selling yourself!
Don’t make it all about you
Did you know the most fascinating person to talk about is yourself, so share a little, and let your date shine and as they talk about their greatest experiences, and moments. It’s a great way to break the ice and for you to get to know that person. Have fun with it and laugh!
On the other hand if you are on the receiving end of having someone just talk about themselves, rather than being judgemental and turning off, use this as an opportunity to really get to know him or her and playfully say, “Wow you are a fascinating person, I would love to share a few of my adventures/stories with you! May I…” (remember hiding under those jitters could be a fabulously amazing person!!)
Find out if you and your date have things in common
The aim of your first date is to get to know your date and determine whether you have common ground, interests and values with this new person. Don’t expect firecrackers and blissful moments of stars to erupt, followed by infatuation. Sure this does happen in the movies and can happen on your first date but not very often and it is often mistaken for lust.
An attraction is certainly important, but to be more realistic after your date. You will often walk away feeling they were nice, intriguing and it certainly wouldn’t do you any harm getting to know them further even if you don’t see yourself walking down the isle….stranger things have happened!
For example, Danielle, a Blue Label Life member came back to me saying she couldn’t stand Matt’s voice, he was too short and she didn’t find him attractive. Well 8 months later they were married and she has never been happier. She loves the adventure he brings into her life and finds him incredibly sexy!!
Oh and my favourite….one of my other members Karen said she would never date a man older and he had to have hair, no children and live in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney within 5kms of her. She is now blissfully happy with a bald man 10 years older than her with 4 children and he lives….wait for it in the country!!
Here are some fun questions to ask on a first date:
- If you were a movie star, who would you play in what movie?
- Tell me about your favourite city in the world and why?
- Ok if you had all the power in the world what would you do with it?
- And of course, the deserted island question, if you were on an island where would you go and what would you take with you, if you could only take three things!