Is Your Past Relationship Ruining Your Present?

When your current life isn’t working out, you might have the tendency to romanticize your past and how things would’ve turned out if your past relationships worked out.

In your mind, they do and you think you’re better off. So you start resenting your present.

It is quite normal to fall into this line of thinking, but if it hampers you from taking on other opportunities to engage in potentially good and fruitful relationships, it becomes unhealthy. Your past negative experiences may shape your personality and your future, but you cannot allow them to stop you from experiencing positive ones.

According to Cultivating Happiness, you can change your perceptions about life when it tells us it takes is an inner change of perspective and attitude. And that’s truly good news because it’s something anyone can do.

How do you know that you are letting your past ruin your present? Well, when you have constantly made comparing what you’ve once had with something in your present that is still unknown your second nature. You had a past relationship that did not work out and you have come to question your judgment, values, and what you could’ve done wrong. You beat yourself up and wonder if you’ll ever find love again. You start the slow process of moving on and you think you are on your path to recovery. Then, you meet someone new and unconsciously find yourself comparing him/her with the last person you were with. You resign yourself that your current dating relationship will just bear the resemblance of your disastrous past. When you think like that, it is really bound to be a disaster.

Also: How to address self-sabotage on dates?

You cannot allow yourself to live in your past. It hurts you and the person who wants to share your present and even your future with you.

How can you start a new?

 When you’ve been hurt, you tend to keep your guard up and fortify your walls. But sometimes, instead of keeping you safe, your walls actually keep you from your happiness. Starting with a clean slate is not easy as just wiping off your past. Instead, learn from it and let go.

Easier said than done, truly. But you have to realize that taking a step forward is hard enough, much more if you carry a weight of grudge that pulls you down. Going back in the dating scene after a break-up can be quite discouraging. It really does require an enormous amount of inner strength and tons of positivity to start working on new relationships. What’s gonna stop your new relationship from turning out like the last one? How will your present dating experience be any different than all your previous ones?

Change the story and devise a plot. You can orchestrate a better outcome for your future by rewriting it. Real change only comes with the true desire to change. You have to want and will it. It is an affirmation that you alone can make.

robyn nind - professional matchmaker

Robyn Nind is a dating coach and matchmaker at Blue Label Life. Robyn has helped countless singles find love and a partner.

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