How to stop being too judgemental on a first date?

Something most of us are guilty of!!

I’d like to make reference to a fabulous book I once read, Dr. Phil’s Find The One You Want, Fix The One You’ve Got. It really opens up your eyes!


The book talks about my one favorite go-to rule – the parietal principle (aka the 80/20 rule. Think about it, it makes perfect sense. If your date is 80% of what you are looking for, then the following 20% can be worked on, right?

Well yes, especially if you have shared common interests, aligned values, and want the same things out of life.

Of course, there has to be a bit of attraction. And when I say a bit, I mean a bit. Don’t expect sparks to fly; that happens in the movies.

In real life, it takes time for chemistry to bubble. The general rule is three dates before you know. I promise if you start to apply this principle, it will work in your favor. Go and try it. You’ll see.

How to know you are being too judgemental?

1. You judge your date’s hair, clothes, analyze every minor thing they say.

These things can be changed and deep down, you know that. I see it time and time again. Great guys/girls that have a little tweak with a few new threads or better still, they hire a professional stylist.  I’m sure you have all seen this at work – there are enough celebrity makeover TV shows to keep anyone busy watching for weeks at a time!

2. To eliminate being too judgemental, it’s important to really get to know a person.

I promote a three-date minimum rule, before you discarding someone. Speaking from experience, you could be letting go of an amazing person simply because you caught them on a bad day! Three dates will give you a clear vision about whether you should see them again or not. It also gives you the opportunity to bring out the best in you. First dates can be nerve-wracking! By the third date, you’ll both be more at ease.

3. Everyone is human.

Think of your circumstances, particularly as you get older. People are looking for perfection. Looking for perfection will leave you single forever!

Be aware that some people may have been married and divorced. Divorce may be seen as a positive over someone who’s never been married before. It shows that a person is willing to commit! And as for children, remember, you could be letting go of a fabulous person just because they have children from a previous marriage. Sure, it’s ideal to start fresh together, but children could actually bring you closer!

One of the best ways to stop being too judgemental is physically looked yourself in the mirror. Are you being self sabotaging? Remember the old days the only criteria used to be good looks? Now, look at how long the list can be. I don’t think a department store would have everything in stock!

Focus on values, whether you have fun with a person, and focus on what you find attractive in that person. If you find after being positive that there’s no chemistry, move forward and look onward in your quest to find love. You will meet lots of incredible individuals along the way.

You have a choice to see the glass half full or empty. A choice to be empowered or disempowered. How do you choose to feel and see things?

robyn nind - professional matchmaker

Robyn Nind is a dating coach and matchmaker at Blue Label Life. Robyn has helped countless singles find love and a partner.

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