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The dance of courtship…

Step forward! Step back!


I often talk to my clients about the dance of courting and the importance of stepping back once you have stepped forward. This is relevant to whether you are a man or a woman, stepping back allows the other person to reflect and miss you, it is also an opportunity for you to reflect on how you feel.

Now just to be clear, I am not talking about playing games, or being unavailable, ignoring or being rude, not at all, I am talking about the dance between a woman and a man, the feminine and the masculine.

Just like the rubber band analogy often used, imagine there is a rubber band around the two of you, and when one steps forward, other needs to step back to keep the tension tight.

Step forward…Step back

I am often asked how long a man needs to wait to contact a woman and then how long a woman needs to take to respond. I think when you are polite, respectful, playful, fun, positive, the timing doesn’t matter, it is more about once you make contact, you then wait for the other to come forward. Forward. Back. Forward. Back.
Stepping forward can have different contexts, such as opening-up, making contact, making-a-suggestion, flirting, asking a question and so on. Once this is done, then – step back.

You can do this as much as you wish, whether you are a man or a woman, as long as you step back afterwards. It also creates equality in the relationship.
What do I mean by stepping back?

I mean wait, I mean focus on yourself, I mean look after yourself, love yourself, give yourself time to reflect, nurture yourself, allow time to happen, allow things to unfold, be patient, sit back. Sit in your emotions, feel your emotions, embrace your emotions.
We are in a world now when we are getting used to having instant gratification, instant messaging, instant results, instant information, instant fun, instant spark!
Connection is not instant!!!!!!!

Connection takes time and patience, it is a dance…forward…back…

…the longer it takes, the more stable and solid your relationship is, the healthier the attachment, and the more we can still be our individual selves and come together as a team, and the more exciting it is, the more certain it is, the more genuine it is, the more inspirational it is, and the more satisfying it is….

The message behind stepping back doesn’t necessarily mean it is now your turn to step forward, it is now your turn to do the work, it is now your turn to show yourself…….
Instead consider it meaning – Now come and get me…. I entice you… I invite you… It is fun…it is banter…I inspire you…step forward…step back…it is a rhythm… it is a motion…it creates a foundation….forward…back…it creates equality…synergy… flow…forward…back…forward…back

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