There are so many things that can go wrong in the dating world. It’s not easy and so many things can go wrong. Getting the right chemistry is all about following protocols and let nature do the rest.
But there are certain things you can control to make sure that your date goes well. Guys should pay close attention to these deal breakers for women.
Make no mistake all women are on high alert for these so make sure you read these deal-breaking mistakes before you embark on your first date.
Also read: Over 50’s Dating Advice for Aussie Guys
1. Be transparent
Not being transparent is an absolute dating and relationship deal-breaker. First date lies are mostly about age. Let’s be honest here guys and admit that we have all knocked off a few years when going on a date. I’m sure that you have taken off 5 or so years on your Tinder or Bumble dating apps.
It’s not uncommon, but you also corroborate the lie with a photo of you on holiday 4 or 5 years ago when you looked just that bit younger. It’s such a simple lie to fabricate, and the logic behind this is that guys think women all want more youthful men.
Unfortunately, the issue here is that if you start a relationship and there is a connection, one day you’ll have to tell the truth about your age. There will always be this dark little grey cloud hanging over you about your age and one day you’ll have to tell the truth.
You might think that this is a small white lie and trimming a few years here, and there is OK, but it will come back to bite you hard.
What happens if you like her and she finds out about your little lie before you spill the beans and be honest about your age? She’s going to confront you about this. So you better be prepared to face the consequences. If it’s a matter of a year or two you may get away with it but any more and this might be a deal-breaker.
Be honest about your age, and don’t try to pretend that you are something you’re not. Remember if your date is all about looks and age then probably it’s not the right person for you in the long run.
It’s so tempting to lie about your age and hope that your charm, confidence and personality can win her over. Then once you have won her over, you can tell the truth.
If you’re comfortable with this and are sure she’ll be OK with this once she falls in love with you, you are in the minority. There will always be the seed of doubt wondering what else you are keeping from her or lying.
2. Being unemployed
Being out of work and unemployed for an extended period is often a deal-breaker for many women. It’s got nothing to do with gold-diggers, let’s make that clear from the start. But, women want to know that their potential partner has a job, or is working in their own business.
Women see hard-working guys as sexy, and they will find you more appealing if they know you’re in a permanent job and not just lounging about the house the whole day. They want to know that you can provide for yourself and not rely on the Government for handouts.
There is, however, a distinction between being unemployed and retired. If you have worked hard and have decided to retire and are self-sufficient, this is OK. Women will admire your financial independence.
The big deal-breaker is telling them you haven’t worked in the past couple of years. They’ll find it odd that you are so demotivated and if there is the chance of a relationship, what will you be doing the whole day while they’re at work?
3. Being late
If you are meeting for the first time on a date, then you should be on time. Being late is OK but make sure you let your date know you’re running 5 or 10 minutes late because of traffic or any other reason. If you are consistently late, this is a sign of rudeness and lack of respect. Even worse, you cancel the date at the last minute. That’s OK for the first time if you have an excellent reason but do it again, and OMG this is a HUGE deal-breaker. Expect never to see her again or have the opportunity for another date with her. Being punctual and on time shows her that you are keen and you value her time as well.
If you are late for the date, apologise profusely and let her know that it was out of your control. An apology like this should get you off the hook and into her good books.
Cancelling is a massive date deal breaker if you do it more than once. You will get away with it the first time if there is a sound reason, but if there is a pattern expect never to see that person again.
5. Odd Social Media Profile
If you go on a date with a woman and give her your Instagram feed, she will go through it. You can count on that! Guys, if your Instagram feed or Facebook page is full of photos of women you have taken recently, you may come off as a player. Be careful when you give her you’re any social media platforms. If you like the girl perhaps look at deleting some recent photos of you with other girls.
6. Out of shape
Women like guys who look after themselves. You don’t have to be training for the Olympics but try to keep a few kilos off your waist. Consider going to the gym a couple of times a week and easing up on those late-night food binging sessions. If you look overweight, this sends a huge negative signal to your date that you don’t care about your body image.
7. You don’t care about your appearance
For the date, make an effort. Try to dress well and look the part. Your date will notice this, and you’ll earn points for this. Coming to the date as you’ve just walked off the beach is a deal-breaker for most women, especially if you’re going to a nice restaurant. If you like her, invest some money in decent clothes as this will work in your favour.
8. Did you shower today?
There is nothing worse than body odour on a date. Add the nerve factor and sweating to this, and you’re going to smell horrible. It’s a no-brainer to have a shower before the date and use some aftershave and deodorant. Bad hygiene will reflect poorly on you and is a deal-breaker. You can add you’re breath to this as well. Meeting someone after a garlic laden meal is a massive turn off. So brush your teeth, use aftershave, look the part and dress well to make a great impression!
9. He’s not alone
OMG, this is a deal-breaker if he comes with a few mates to the date. How will you get to know him if he’s there with his mates having a few drinks with you? Forget bringing anyone. Go solo and meet her one on one.
10. He’s a heavy drinker
One or two glasses of wine are OK for a date. It’s social, and it can calm the nerves but hitting it hard and slamming down the vodkas is a deal-breaker. You look immature, and if you get too drunk, you lose inhibition. You don’t want to say or do things you might regret. Women want a guy who can show control and not let the booze take over. It sets a very dangerous precedence for the future.
11. He’s got not friends
Women want men who have healthy, social connections with other people. Being a lone wolf with no ties shows her that you might be incapable of a relationship. He should also have a good relationship with other family members. Women will perceive solo creatures as a burden as they might feel like they have to fill empty voids. Try to join a few social groups where you can make other connections.
12. Playing with his phone
Dah!!!! Leave the mobile phone alone for at least an hour and pay close attention to what she says. Can you do that? If not, you’re probably not ready to start dating. Women will find it rude, impolite and bad-mannered if you’re on your phone while she sits opposite you. Only take a call if it’s crucial. Explain to her why you have to take it and apologise. Being apologetic is the only way it’s acceptable – if and only if it’s an emergency.
13. Dull conversation
Try to invest and pay some interest in her, her life and her experiences. It’s not all about you on the date. Ask questions about her life, work and hobbies. Talking about yourself the whole time is dull and boring and a deal-breaker. Conversation skills is an art but have it in the back of your mind to ask her questions. You don’t have to be funny or overly chatty. Just try to be interested in her.
14. Be yourself
Pretending to be someone else is a deal-breaker. It is hard sometimes to be yourself. You may have issues, phobias or complexes that you want to hide. Being another person or playing another character’s role will be too hard to keep up and exhausting for you. Be yourself and see how that goes. She will like you for this. Overcompensation for nerves by trying to be too funny, too loud or too aggressive is a deal-breaker.
Running outside for a quick cigarette is a massive deal-breaker. I can’t think of anything worse than this, especially if she is a non-smoker. Your breath will stink and expect her to be gone once you’ve put it out on the pavement!
Also read: What are the effects of smoking and tobacco?
16. Too much baggage
Going on and on about your ex is a big deal-breaker. Shut up about your ex and let it go. You’re on this date to make a fresh start and meet someone new. Bringing your ex up is OK if it is brief but talking exhaustingly about your ex (mostly negative ) can raise alarm bells. Be very aware of what you say and how you say it.
Your date will be on the lookout for any sign of a bad break up. Breakups can raise questions and can open up a can of worms that ideally should be closed. Leave all conversations about your ex for later when the two of you are closer. Writing off your ex and slagging her off is a dating deal-breaker. It tells your date that you have not forgiven her for hat ever reason and you’re still bitter. The perception from her side of things will be perhaps your not ready to move on?
17. Forget one night stands!
If there were ever a deal-breaker, this would have to be it. Going in for the kill on a first date is the best way to turn her off.
Be a gentleman and forget about sex on the first date. Temptation maybe there may there, and perhaps that small voice is going off in your head ( especially after a few drinks) to make a move. But resists it! Sure you can have a little kiss at the end of a lovely evening, but that’s all you should aim to get. If you get tipsy and your hands are all over her, she will hate it.
18. Pay the bill
Don’t be a tight ass. Pay the bill for lunch, dinner or drinks at the restaurant. Don’t let her put her hand in her pocket even if you want her to. She will notice this. If you ask her to pay half the bill, she will think what a tight ass and this will go against you.
19. He’s got old fashioned views
You’re not dating your mum. If you have old fashioned views about women, keep them to yourself. Times have moved on, and we are not back in the 1950s. Women have careers, they are successful, and they have money. Please respect the fact that they have worked hard and are in their position because of this.
Also read: How to seduce a confident woman
20. Be nice to the waiters
If there’s something wrong with he meal never get aggressive or show signs of anger. Be polite and show respect to the staff. If you show aggression now, your date will pick up on it for sure!! Questions like what will you be like in the future, or are you prone to bouts of abuse will set the alarm bells ringing.
There are many other dating deal breakers for women which guys should understand before going on a first or second date. If you’re a single guy in Sydney or Melbourne and need some dating advice, please contact Robyn at Blue Label Life on 1800 553 510.
This article was written by Robyn Nind the head matchmaker and dating coach at Blue Label Life. She’s helped many single men find a partner by offering dating advice, coaching and dating skills for men in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s.