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Should you be friends with the ‘ex’?

Friends With The ExWhat are the factors you need to look at when you are deciding whether or not to stay friends with an ex?

It all comes down to the three L’s; logistics, love and life. I’m a firm believer that if you or your ex still has feelings for each other, then being friends is a no-go zone. Why? It’s going to hamper both of you when it comes to moving on in life.

Friendship requires a level of work and commitment. If you’re in the same circle of friends, then it’s definitely a good idea to remain friends.

Does it matter which party broke it off? (E.g. If he breaks it off, is it harder to become friends because of the initial hurt?)

It really depends on the situation. You can break up with someone and feel so guilty for doing so that you simply can’t remain friends. For those on the receiving end, remaining friends can almost be seen as a “slap in the face”.

If you’re both mature and are willing to put the past in the past, then it shouldn’t matter who broke it off.

What is the etiquette if you and your ex are in the same social circle? (Should you continue seeing your mutual friends?)

(Laughs) Ah, the old “who gets the friends in the break-up” dilemma. That’s a tough one. I’ve found that usually your mutual friends will make the decision for you. There’s definitely no harm in telling your friends that you hope your break-up won’t change anything.

How should you conduct yourself around an ex if you are in the same workplace?

Professionally is the logical answer, but I am no stranger to break ups. It hurts to see your ex almost every day! The key is to remain calm, courteous and let time run its course. The last thing you want to do is to make your work environment uncomfortable for your peers. It’s a selfish act, and one that could put your job in jeopardy.

What happens if you find yourself in a cycle of seeing each other, sleeping together, trying to make it work then breaking up again? Should you just make a clean break?

Cold turkey is definitely the best option. Often we fall into bad habits because it’s all we know. Ask yourself the question; if you broke up the first, second or third time, what makes you think it will be any different this time round? There’s a difference between doing what’s easy and what’s right. Do what’s right!

Would being friends with an ex hamper your motivation to find a new relationship? (thinking that you have someone to fall back on emotionally)

Of course. Why take the field if you have someone waiting in the locker room? It’s scary enough getting back out in the dating arena, let alone having a jealous ex watch you from a distance. To help alleviate this pressure, I recommend setting some ground rules if you’re out together with a group of friends.

What are the signs that you should/shouldn’t be friends with your ex?

Bad signs include; if you’re still sleeping together, still have feelings for each other, still hurt by what the other person did, if you’re the jealous type, if you’re having trouble meeting new people, and if you feel as though you can’t commit to the friendship.

Good signs include; if you were friends before you went out, if you share the same circle of friends, if you work together, and if you’re not ready to lose the connection you formed over time.

Have a relationships-based question? Want a man’s perspective?

Email john@bluelabel.sigmaweb.com.au

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