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Tips to help you start dating after a break-up

Tips to help you start dating after a break-up

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Getting your heart broken is a horrible feeling and one that can last a long time. The good news is you can use this time to empower yourself.

It’s a highly emotional time where you experience depression, anger, hurt, sadness, regret, self-doubt and a feeling that you’ll never recover – it’s a mixed bag of emotions.

Dealing with all these emotions is not the only byproduct of the relationship ending – but you also wonder if you’ll ever be able to date again and how are you going to find the right partner after all this time? The end of a relationship, especially if it was a toxic relationship, is a tumultuous time. Make no mistake; it takes a lot of strength and mental stamina to get through the tough times.

A big question is whether or not you have the capacity to jump back into a relationship so soon after the break-up, and have you had enough time to heal? Of course, many relationships are over before the break-up, meaning you have started the healing process already. But, break-ups that happen suddenly may require many months to repair the damage to one’s ego, heart and mental state. So, you should be asking yourself is; are you ready to dive back into the dating pool? And following are some great tips to help you get back on that horse and start the dating process after breaking up with someone you’ve been involved with for years.

Have A Positive Mindset

It’s important to stay positive and be optimistic about the future. Ask Men in their article How To Remain Positive After A Break-up tells us that changing your brain works and processes information to a more positive inclination. Having a negative approach will get you nowhere in your search for a new partner. Being proactive and open-minded is the first positive step you can take to meet someone special and repair your broken heart. The last thing you want to do is wallow in self-pity and angst over a past relationship with zero hope of resurrection. The best thing you can do for yourself is changing your attitude and kick start the dating process. Having trust in life, and knowing that everything is an opportunity for your own growth, looking at breakups as a redirection in your life, putting you on the right path for your own happiness.

Related Article: Divorce Dating Agency Australia

Learn more about what you want in a future partner

If you have distanced yourself far enough from your previous relationship, it might be a good time to see what has worked and what hasn’t. There may be certain traits or characteristics that you’ve put up with for a long time that bothered you; it might be an excellent time to work these out now so you can recognise these traits in a prospective partner.

The trick here is to avoid going down the path and tolerating the same attributes or habits that annoyed you or caused the relationship to end. Instead, steer well clear of these and learn from the past. Look for chemistry on your next round of dates but keep in mind those tiny habits that drove you up the wall. It might help to write a list of things that bothered you in your past relationship while they are fresh in your mind, so you don’t forget them. Life Hack tells us that letting go of the past allows you to focus on the here and now and helps you choose more empowering thoughts. Focus on how you want to feel rather than the details. Focus every day on feeling good, feeling love and inspiration.

Give yourself time to heal.

Don’t expect to be dating in a week. Instead, give yourself time to heal the wounds of the past relationship. You might need a few months or even years but make sure you don’t pressure yourself into the next relationship and never put a time limit on how you feel. Instead, recognise the fact and signs that you may be hurting, acknowledge this and give your body and heart the time it needs to process everything that has just transpired.

Rushing headlong into the next relationship is simply a rebound, and you might end up doing more damage or sinking further into a slump. Feeling down is a natural response to a break-up, and you should never feel guilty or ashamed about your thoughts and feelings. Instead, embrace these feelings, learn from the past so you can progress to a future with a clearer head and understanding of what you truly want. Be kind to yourself and others.

Don’t Compare Dates To Your Ex

The absolute worst thing you can do is start comparing the person sitting opposite you with your ex. It’s hard to do, but you must learn to separate any feelings you’ve had for your ex from any potential dates or partners during the healing process. Yes, you’ve had good times in the past but keep these as fond memories. However, comparing your date to your ex is a recipe for failure and shows that you have not entirely healed. If thoughts about your ex creep into your mindset during the date and you start comparing them to your ex, try to switch these off. It doesn’t give the other person a fair chance and inhibits any chance you have of making a connection with someone new. WikiHow elaborates on this by saying, learn to drop the comparisons about your ex and truly move on from this failed relationship by remembering why the relationship ended and recounting the reasons why you two weren’t a great match. A great way to stay present is through gratitude for where you are now and what you have in your life. Appreciate your experiences and the people near you.

Take Things Slowly

You don’t want to put pressure on yourself to rush into the next relationship. Instead, take things slowly and be by yourself for a while, which may be hard to do if you do something with your partner. Take this period in your life to learn more about yourself, and you might be surprised by what you find out. Never rush into a new relationship feeling you need to fill the void in your life. Your date will sense your desperation, and you may end up pushing them away. Instead, take a measured approach to your subsequent relationships. Eventually, you will meet someone new, but this has to happen organically. Try to let go of all conditions, and be open to surprises and new experiences.

It’s not all about dating

After a break-up, you might become obsessed with meeting someone new. It can become all-consuming and can impair your judgement about potential partners. Instead, take a step backwards and look at doing other things and put your energies and focus into other areas of your life. For example, get a hobby, focus on your business, career or work and allow your mind to concentrate on other areas of your life other than meeting a partner. Putting too much pressure on yourself to find a partner adds stress and anxiety, which means you won’t attract the right type of person. Focus on loving yourself and doing things for you and your well being.

Enjoy being single

Yes, that’s right! Love yourself again! Enjoy the chance you have of being single and meeting different people. Go on a few dates and meet new and exciting people. You might have been in a relationship or married for many years, and now you’re single, it’s a fantastic time to get to know the real you. Invest time in yourself; you might be surprised by what you find. You might just like being single. Be in the moment, and if you feel that you’d like to meet someone new, make sure you don’t jump into the first relationship prospect that comes around. Take your time and build friendships and connections first without conditions. And if your a guy over 40 and your heading back to the dating world after a lengthy relationship you might find that you might not be able to perform sexually like before when you were in your 20s or 30’s. Your body changes, your libido can dip which can affect your willingness to meet someone from the opposite sex and can play havoc on your confidence.

Being in a relationship may have cocooned you for years in your bubble, and now is an excellent time to reconnect with old friends that have left your life. So make an effort to call a few old mates from school or uni and go out for a coffee. Knowing how their lives have progressed and seeing what they have been up to for the last 10 or 20 years may make you feel better about your life’s current predicament.

It is ok to be vulnerable

Don’t pretend that life is all rosy and put on a happy face all the time. Instead, open up to close friends and tell them how you’re feeling. They are there to help you get through this challenging period in your life. Pretending you’re something you’re not will exacerbate the feeling of loneliness and insecurity. Remember, it’s OK to feel bad about your current situation and the break-up. We are all human and we all want to feel accepted and loved for who we are. Being vulnerable can feel daunting and scary at first, but once you take that step, you begin to step into your power and it in turn builds connections around you that would not have happened if you kept your emotions to yourself.

What Your Type of Man Says About You

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What Your Type of Man Says About You

We all have certain type of men, what your type of man says about you, you must know. Your type of man can say a lot about you and your personality. Who do you fall for? Do you prefer the smart, sophisticated type? Or the simple, easy going kind? If you end up on dates with the same type of man over and over again, having the same unwanted result again and again, you might be vulnerable with attracting and choosing unbalanced partners. Unwise choice, indeed! Pay attention to your type so you can have healthier and balanced people into your life.

What Your Type of Man Says About You

Here are a few types of men and what they say about you, either you should leave him or love him!

  1. The Bad Boy

These guys seemed impossible to resist because they are daring, sexy and spontaneous. They steer away from boredom and lean into excitement. Your attraction to this guy could mean you love challenging men and complicated relationships. The thrill of a complex relationship spells fun for you.

  1. The Businessman

Here’s a career driven man, powerful and successful. You admire his suits and his sophistication. If you are drawn to this type of man you may be ambitious yourself, a go-getter independent and strong woman who’s passion is winning!

  1. The Narcissist

You got hooked by this man’s charisma but his arrogance and self-centeredness can eventually cause a problem in a relationship, nothing works when one person only has his own interest in mind. This can mean you are also egocentric or you find too much self-flattery and perfectionism bothersome.

  1. The Player

These men are appealing and charismatic, why else would women fall for them? But you might find your friends and families constantly hating your man because there might be really something wrong with him or you for that matter. If you are attracted to this type, you may not know your real self-worth ending up with a guy who treats anything but special. What your type of man says about you? You may not know how you deserve to be treated and respected.

  1. The Commitment Phobic

This man has too many reasons not to seriously commit to you. And you should know based on his history of short lived relationships. This could mean you are needy. To be attracted to this type of man means you bloom on the attention you get from him no matter how inconsistent it is.

  1. The Patsy

This man will never disagree with you, he is not confident to voice out his ideas and opinions. He will follow you without asking any questions. Most probably you will feel like you are the only one in the relationship. This could mean you are controlling, having a pushover you can easily dominate.

  1. The Taken

You must steer clear from these type of men, they are married, engaged or in a relationship, meaning they should not be available and you should not be attracted to them. But in case you are, it may mean you have a low self-esteem and self-respect. You settle with these men not knowing you deserve better, you probably are a cheater yourself.

  1. The Geeks

You find intellect very alluring. You value brains over beauty and this is very comforting, this type of relationship can be very intense. Expect some very deep conversations.

If you happen to choose the same guy over and over again, do not expect to come up with a different result. What your type of man says about you. Choose the better and the outcome will be better.

Check out more dating blogs from our Sydney and Melbourne matchmakers.

Learn to Trust Again in Your Love Life

Learn to Trust Again in Your Love Life

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Relationships are founded on mutual love and trust.

Without the other, a relationship would cease to exist.

It has been proven that love is not enough in a lasting relationship; there are other relevant components to a successful relationship, like trust.

Indeed, trust takes years to build but only seconds to break; what is unfortunate is it can be unrepairable. What destroys trust, then? It can be infidelity, heartbreak and other kind of betrayal.

When Your Trust Has Been Broken in a Relationship

In a relationship, when your trust has been broken, it is unthinkable to learn to trust again. You end up trying to mend a broken heart and the many other broken pieces of yourself. Who wouldn’t be? The person who is supposed to protect and love you has just betrayed you. And you resort not to trusting again, afraid to be repeatedly broken, a defence commonly used to protect oneself from being hurt all over again. Quora has a good feed article on this called: Why does trust take years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair?

But while you feel crushed and angry, the only thing that can make you really better is to accept the betrayal and, with time, to forgive. To be able to move on, you have to take a leap of faith and try to trust again. You have to remember that in this life, we are meant to move forward and not be stuck on our heartbreaks.

Also read: Tips to Overcome Your Insecurity to Find Love

Learn to Trust Again for Yourself

Yes, you should learn to trust again, not only for your potential partner but most importantly for yourself. We have all been there before, maybe to a different extent and experience, but imagine your life filled with bitterness and doubt. Do not detach yourself from the world. Go out and try to trust again with these practical steps:

1. Time heals all wounds

This may sound a cliché, but it is true. With time comes healing, and with time comes better days. Do not jump into another relationship without giving yourself time to heal. You are hurt, you are broken, you are mad, feel everything, you want to cry, then cry. Allow yourself to think things through. The most authentic way to fully move on is to be able to experience the heartbreak and not cover it with other temporary relationships.

2. Meet new people

This is the best time to meet new people and make friends. Perhaps when you are ready, date casually to have fun and enjoy other people’s company. Or better yet, spend time with your family.

3. Take it easy

You have just been hurt; take it easy on yourself. If you have found someone interesting, explain to him that it may take time for you to open yourself once again. Be patient with your healing and allow yourself to trust again, especially allow someone to earn your trust.

4. Share your story

To make a potential partner understand your situation, you must tell your story. It is important that you communicate about your fears and expectations.

5. Be fair

Remember that it would be unfair to compare your present to your past. That is why it is very important to fully heal before you go into another serious relationship to avoid bringing your past hurts with you, which can affect your relationship.

 6. Be positive

Trusting again will not be easy, but it is the only thing left to do to move on. Consider your happiness and your self-worth. Always be positive about everything; it can make your situation easier, with fewer burdens and fewer worries. You are worth to be happy again.

So, learn to trust again. If you continue to have some difficulties and would like some free advice, register with Blue Label Life for a free session with a dating expert and learn to trust again!

How does Your Birth Order Affect Your Relationships?

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How does Your Birth Order Affect Your Relationships?

How does your birth order affect your relationship? Did you know that your birth order or positioning in the family can shape your personality and therefore, affect your decisions? According to William Cane, author of The Birth Order Book of Love, “Your personality is directly related on how you interact with other people”. Evidently, your first experience in interaction is with your family, that is, your parents and your siblings.

Your birth order not only forms your personality but it naturally affects your romantic relationship as well. The sibling ranking commonly comprises of firstborn, middle child, lastborn and only child and researchers agree that each ranking has unique and differing traits, each has its own strengths and weaknesses. So figuring out your birth order as well as your significant other can help you predict compatibility. Yes, you can find your perfect match by just learning about his or her family’s birth order of hierarchy.

Birth order plays a big role in relationships, it can help you to understand others which will help you deal with potential conflict that may arise between you and your partner. So how does birth order affect relationships?Birth order

Firstborns

Naturally, firstborns are overwhelmed with love and attention being the first child in the family. They tend to be ambitious, aggressive and controlling, “Firstborns like to be in control” according to William Cane. They are organized and are natural born leaders. Oldest sons enjoy recognition who wants to do things their way, on the other hand, oldest daughters are bossy and confident compared to their younger siblings.

Middle Child

The middle child is stuck in the middle, therefore they tend to mediate, perceived as good communicators between their bossy older siblings and the needy younger ones. But they are characterized as rebellious and secretive, who don’t usually share their feelings. Their strength relies in the fact that they are flexible, sociable and they compromise well with others. Plus, they are independent!

Lastborn

Who can resist the charmer in the family? The lastborn children are usually labeled as spoiled because they are not only taken care of their parents but their older siblings as well. They almost always get what they want and are less responsible compared to the older siblings. But take notice, that they are very affectionate and engaging, sweet creatures who love to be the center of attention.

Only Child

The only children of the family are pampered and precious, thus they are used to having all the attention. But they tend to be mature and responsible. Their personalities can develop uniquely due to their lack of siblings compared to those who grew up and compete with their siblings.

After discussing the different birth orders, let us see who perfectly matches who! You’ll see how your birth order affects your relationships, there is a science behind it.

Oldest with Oldest

Two firstborns often clash with each other! They are both domineering who both want to control the situation. This combination may fight over simple things like what movie to watch or where to go on a date. They have both strong personalities making the relationship intense. The best thing to do to survive this relationship is to consider compromise to understand each other.

Oldest with Middle

A great pair! But because the middle children are so used to compromising she may feel too comfortable with a knowledgeable and controlling partner that she might lose sight of her own interests and goals. If you are the middle child continually seek ways to improve and your partner who is a firstborn should be there to encourage you and make you be better.

Oldest with Youngest

This can actually be a win-win combination because the pair tend to take care of each other well. Someone who wants to be in control and someone who needs attention. Their needs and personality usually click!

Middle with Middle

Dr. Salmon Even says, “In studies of marital satisfaction, middle children fare best all around.” The only problem that may arise is with communication because middle children are secretive. The best relationship tip would be to have frequent conversations about your relationship and your goals.

Middle with Youngest

This can be a pretty good match. The middle who loves to compromise and negotiate and the youngest who loves to seek attention but is a social butterfly. They both can learn from each other and can eventually make things work.

Youngest with Youngest

While this pairing can be a lot of fun, having carefree, charming and sociable individuals, a problem may arise when both of the youngest refuse to take any responsibility. Who’s in charge? The best way to survive this kind of relationship is to have a balance of everything, try to have a division of workload and take responsibility!

Only Child with Anyone

Only children are most likely to be compatible with any birth order type as long as the partner can determine the dominating characteristics of the only child.Birth order

So there you have it, you now can see how your birth order affects your relationships.

A rewarding romantic relationship isn’t easy to come by. Like any other relationships, it needs a lot of dedication, effort and understanding. The birth order can do only as much as making you understand your partner more or finding a partner you can deal with. Still, relationships need two people who are constantly working together with love and respect for each other in order to make any relationship last.

Click here for more executive dating Sydney and executive dating Melbourne information.

The Best Relationship Advice We Have Ever Received

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The Best Relationship Advice We Have Ever Received

Relationships are anything but easy! It takes effort, time, trust, respect and a whole lot of love. It faces difficulties and challenges. Yes it is rewarding, but don’t expect to always have a smooth ride, there will be bumps, there will be crossroads and there will be dead ends.

Sometimes relationships get confusing but here are the best relationship advice we have ever received. Relationships enable individuals to become better with their connections and feel better about themselves.

1.Take a Risk!

I was advised by a friend to not be consumed with fear of rejection and pain. I once was involved with a man, who is in a relationship with someone else, though we both felt the same attraction and admiration for each other, I remain distant because I was never his choice. Years passed and we met again, we were both single at that time. We have always been comfortable and compatible with each other, but I was scared, I was rejected by him before and it will be too painful to face it all again. But my friend insisted that I should believe in second chances, that I should take a risk and I did, and now we are happily married.

2.  Be Yourself.

As cliché as it sounds, it’s still a timeless advice. I always try so hard during first dates, I overdressed, I speak too enthusiastically and just would pretend to like whatever my date is saying which is totally a mistake, everything would turn out tragically. Good thing I listened and threw away the facade. I should just be proud of myself and let others see who I really am.

3. Be confident.

I would usually doubt myself in relationships, believing I’m not good enough to even have one. I had a low self-esteem which can be clearly seen by others. When a friend of mine told me I should believe more in myself and be optimistic, I was hesitant, but thinking that how can others believe in me when I’m having a hard time believing in myself? I am a changed woman now, opening myself to others and going on dates.

4. Stop Waiting.

I was very idealistic, I believed in ever after and prince charmings. I was used to waiting until I noticed why am I the only one who’s not in a relationship? Precisely because I was just waiting, I wasn’t doing anything at all and expecting that someone would come and save me. Now, I make the moves!

5. Communicate!

This is probably one of the most important factors to have a lasting and rewarding relationship. When you are comfortable enough to talk and listen to your partner, you’ll survive challenges!

6. Don’t Over-Analyze!

For quite some time, I have been a failure with dating because I worry too much, I was too concern of what my dates think of me that I lost sight of enjoying the experience. Bet I was a stiff and a bore during my dates. But that was before.

7. Be a Gentleman.

I never forget what my parents told me, to always be a gentleman no matter how times change. I’m glad I did though because I am married to a woman who deserves all the honor and respect in the world.